Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
