She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
