so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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