maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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