dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
