i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
