Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
