Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
