his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
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