: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
i've created a new STD.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
