Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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