Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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