am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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