Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
