Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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