I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
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I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
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I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
There are leaves in my underwear?
do nipples grow back?
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