Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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