Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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