I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
