i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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