8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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