The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
