her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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