Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
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and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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