he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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