i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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