Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
