I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Randomize
