Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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