Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
