Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
