that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
