I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
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He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
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Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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