I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My dick has a subreddit
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
