woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
This can only be settled by a dance off.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
