Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
