You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
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Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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