I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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