Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
