You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
