just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
whose parrot is this?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
