watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
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At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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