the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
