no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
