it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
