Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize