i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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