WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
