I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be still, my beating vagina.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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