I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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