i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
