Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
