Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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