My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
