Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
