I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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