Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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