i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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