I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
