I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
