You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
