Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
