sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
