Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
