i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
