I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
