If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
