Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
