She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
