My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
