How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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