WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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