My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
