I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
