she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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